There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
