3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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