I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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