I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
