Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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