i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it glows. i had to have it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
