Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
