Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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