I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
