she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
