CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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