before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
