There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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