whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
