so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
