My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
