haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
