I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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