come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
