Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
