Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
