I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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