Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sober January is a disaster.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
