He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
