Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
