at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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