"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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