Can Purell be used as lube?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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