I skipped work to stalk him.
i will never coherently bang her
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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