If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
