all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wear drunk well.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
