it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
