Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
