Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
