dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
