So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
