Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
