I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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