Porn is love you can see.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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