im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
