just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
