he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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