It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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