i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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