This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
