help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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