True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
