So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
