I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
