he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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