just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
